For Caryn

Today you would have been 41! My goodness. I don't remember you being vain at all but maybe you'd be happy to be eternally 24 in my mind. I imagine you would have grown older with all of the love and wisdom and complete and utterly unspeakable peace and beauty you displayed even as a teenager.

You were my first love, even if I didn't know it then, and always always a voice of sensibility and maturity. Unless of course you were a voice of sillyness and spontenaity. I remember you trusting me to trim your hair, such a responsibility and you never gave it a 2nd thought. Your trust made me think maybe I could trust myself too. (We won't go into the terrible haircuts I've given since then.) Your way of treating people so individually and with such caring is still a model for me today. Thank God for you.

I miss you so much! Stupid leukemia. But I feel you in my life, I feel you in my family. Having your mother in my life is one of my greatest blessings. You left me with so much Caryn. I just wish you hadn't left.

(no subject)

(cross posted from the online community I don't advertise)

Mander let me know before I got home that Ruby had made me something special. She goes "she had a vision!" and did it all herself. When Ruby showed it to my I was genuinely wowed and showed it! Plus she told me it was a scary monster sandwich, delighful. I was really naturally enthusiastic in my response and she was so proud, flung herself into my arms for a hug and even tried to divert me to what Sofie had made, but I insisted that she get the full glory of her creation.

Looking at that little face, overjoyed with making me happy, it made me wonder (anew) how anyone can hurt a child or not do everything in their power to see that face all the time. I love being a mom.

Will try to get a photo of it up tomorrow!